For Sallie Foley, 3/6/09
SSW 700- Treatment of Sexual Dysfunction
Jay Wiseman’s book SM 101, A Realistic Introduction offers a down-to-earth, funny, and straight-forward discourse on how to safely and joyously practice bondage/discipline, domination/submission, and sadomasochism. My critique includes consideration of how Wiseman has set up his book, the weaknesses and strengths in his discussion of BDSM practices, techniques, safety, and psychosocial effects, as well as how I as a sex therapist could utilize the text in counseling. I wanted to critique this book specifically because BDSM, like other sexual minorities, is not often spoken of or written about positively for those interested in learning more about its practice or theory; when Wiseman’s book was published in its first edition in 1992, it was “the most comprehensive discussion of this information at the time” (pg. 4). Unlike writings on and for lesbian, gay, or bisexual practices however, BDSM continues to be largely illegitimate as a topic for serious discussion of sexual technique, psychological impact --even safety-- despite a significant established need and growing acceptance of these practices among younger generations. Jay Wiseman’s book is therefore very important as one of the first non-judgmental and non-titillating educational sex books to address the topics of BDSM as they pertain to long-time practitioners and novices alike, and is supremely useful for clinicians whose clients are interested, but fearful, of their interests in this aspect of their sexuality.
In his discourse, Wiseman covers several major themes that thread throughout his distinct chapters: safety, normalization, personal/real-life examples of practice, what to expect when beginning and how-to, and references and resources. Safety is probably Wiseman’s biggest point, because, as he points out early in his “Preliminaries” chapter, “SM is the riskiest form of sex” (pg. 6), and therefore safety issues are emphasized with every new technique mentioned in addition to the generalized safety chapter. Including normalization and real-life examples enables Wiseman to utilize humor, as well as personal stories and warnings, to stress that BDSM practices, when engaged in safely, sanely, and consensually among adults, are not only acceptable, but can be extremely pleasurable, gratifying, and fun: his purpose is to educate, inform, and validate the feelings of those interested in one of the still less-acceptable sexual minorities. Within this framework, Wiseman discusses in significant detail the technical ins and outs of bondage (chapters 5 and 6 specifically), flagellation (chapter 8), clamps (chapter 9), giving and receiving erotic pain (chapter 3 and 7), and a variety of other actual practices (11, 12, 18, 19, and 21), including always suggestions and explicit details on how to safely attempt them. In addition to a glossary of terms many may not have ever been exposed to before encountering this manual, Wiseman helpfully offers a section on resources and references (chapter 23) and a listing of means to find help with BDSM- and other sex-related problems (chapter 22), which not only pertains to his subject matter, but is useful for any sexually active person without resources.
Though somewhat less overtly emphasized, the psychosocial implications of “top” and “bottom” exchanges are the other key focal point of SM 101, brought up explicitly in discussions on how one might find a play partner (chapter 4), how to engage in such exchanges, and participating in BDSM relationships (13 and 14). Because the practices involved in BDSM are as much about mental states and the consensual submission of one party to another for the purposes of erotic interaction as they are about the physical restraint and/or giving/receiving of pain etc., Wiseman stresses throughout the book that taking care of all participating partners’ emotional and psychological wellbeing—before, during, and after engaging in any form of “play”—is as paramount to a successful “session” as it is to any other relationship. These foci are beneficial to both clinicians who don’t have much working knowledge of BDSM and those who do, but have trouble persuading clients that such interests are not wrong, sick or necessarily harmful, only need to be pursued conscientiously and safely. Addressing mental status and emotional impact is one of the great strengths of this book from a clinical perspective.
A note about readership and the specific audience addressed. During my initial read of SM 101, I was dismayed to find that, for a book aimed at a specific sexual minority too often closeted, Wiseman seemed to be largely excluding the LGBT community members who participate in or are curious about BDSM from his examples, explanations of technique and considerations. Upon further consideration, however, I realized that this was somewhat purposeful for several reasons. Wiseman acknowledges that this manual is for any interested in BDSM who don’t have much or any background in its practice, ethics, safety considerations etc., but one of his explicit purposes is to normalize BDSM for a larger, largely uninformed general audience—most of whom are hetero-normative in their thinking and orientation, and may hold many preconceived negative assumptions about BDSM learned from judgmental sources. To that end, Wiseman tries to make his book appealing and non-threatening to the uninformed “vanilla” (non-kinky) reader by expressly recognizing the many heterosexuals, as well as a percentage of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transsexual folks, who engage in and enjoy BDSM. Further, Wiseman acknowledges that because he himself identifies as a heterosexual male who participates in BDSM usually as a “top” or “dominant” (although he himself is open-minded enough to “switch” roles and “bottom”), his context for personal stories or play tips are going to be similarly oriented.
Beyond this initial concern, my criticism of this book is largely stylistic in nature, with one major exception. Having last been published in 1996, Wiseman’s book lacks some substantial technological, legal, and informational access updates to recognize and take into account those changes that have occurred in the past 13 years; both author and readers would be well served with a significant update to include these things. SM 101’s recognition of sodomy and other sex laws as they pertain to BDSM is a sound and very important to note inclusion within the general safety guidelines of practice. It does not, however, have any mention of the changes that have occurred since Lawrence vs. Texas (2003), which invalidated sodomy laws on the books in all 50 states-- meaning that while on the books, such can no longer be enforced. References to various websites, “world wide web” resources, as well as concrete establishments, are sure to have been reworked, relocated, removed, and/or otherwise changed substantially; these would be very useful for younger/ new generations of players—those at whom Wiseman originally intended to gear his book towards—therefore, a newly revised listing of good, current online archives and knowledge banks, both for specific resources and for club or community information would be especially beneficial. Further, in order to be of significant clinical referential use, the book needs to be updated so that clinicians and the curious can find pertinent information.
Beyond these revisions necessary to a practical manual last published more than a decade ago, my criticism has to do with the style of writing. While I appreciate the humor and candor of Wiseman’s writing, as well as his copious examples of real-life play and eye-catching set of marginal quotes accrued over more than 25 years of experience at the time of publication, the loose colloquial style of his prose are often more reminiscent of a personal account than the educational manual he set out to write. While endearing at times, this type of writing in excess can also undercut the legitimacy of Wiseman’s writing more than it adds to the normalizing efforts he makes; the occasional lack of polish is at times enough to make me pause before recommending it in the context of professional counseling, despite its wealth of positive and useful information. Additionally, while acknowledging that it is in many ways a seminal work for the field of positive writings on BDSM, it would have lent further credibility to Wiseman’s work if more references could have been made to scholarly works—that being said, there is an acknowledged dearth of information on this topic which Wiseman encourages his readers and fellow long-time players to amend with their own works. Acknowledging that SM 101 is not the single authority on BDSM practice is very useful for laypeople to see and recognize.
Focusing on the manual’s strengths, I can confidently say that this manual offers a very comprehensive outline and detailed set of discussions of actual play practices for interested parties to try safely, from beginner bondage to advanced sensation play and more. In addition to technical instructions and advice, Wiseman includes chapters and descriptions for setting up a scene which can act as a useful template for beginners. Of paramount importance, he underscores the need for prearranged negotiations on what, where, when, and how play will go, and to that end offers two (a short and a comprehensive) negotiation forms which are superb in their function as tools for practitioners and a grounding in reality for those who are just curious; the forms and scenes included in SM 101 are what really bring Wiseman’s writing to life. His fairly comprehensive list of reviewed materials under references, excepting online resources, are also very useful for those who need or are interested in more information on almost any topic, as is his section on “related practices” (chapter 21). Just as important as the actual technical aspects, Wiseman is wonderfully sensitive to the multiple levels at which BDSM players become involved in their scene, and takes painstaking measures to cover all aspects—physical, mental, emotional—and all the possible complications that occur with any or all of these. While some of the repetition of safety tips and warnings gets a bit tedious (a new edition would be well served dividing the first “preliminary” chapter into one devoted explicitly to safety and another about how and why Wiseman himself decided to create this book) the nature of BDSM necessitates heavy emphasis on safety, which he certainly achieves.
Possibly the single best part of this manual is the way in which Wiseman approaches his subject, writing in such a way as to reassure and empower his readers, not just so that they can play well and safely, but that they can practice unashamedly and enjoy this aspect of their sexuality as normal, healthy, and fun. Wiseman’s viewpoint is, in fact, a very moral one, which demands in no uncertain terms the need for communication and respect among players and really discusses all sexuality, not just BDSM, as needing this in depth an amount of care, attention, and understanding in practice. This strenuous emphasis on mutuality of respect, participation and enjoyment of the enumerated activities in the book is wonderful to read as a clinician and a consumer, both because it helps to reassure and build confidence in a client afraid of their “deviance” for whatever reason and because it promotes sexuality that is thought-out, safely practiced, and which puts a premium on honest enjoyment of sexuality without shame.
SM 101’s technical format and negotiating contracts are conducive to developing clinical homework assignments for those interested in practicing BDSM. Its discussions of the recognition of feelings of confusion, anguish, and fear in those who have an interest and don’t know what to do with it would be well used in a clinical context, arguably for anyone fearful of their sexual expression. Wiseman’s book is therefore a treasure trove of useful information ranging from the practical to the ethical; its discussions of the topic of BDSM—still incredibly controversial as an accepted form of sexual enjoyment and curiosity—in a sex-positive, life-affirming way encourage all readers, regardless of areas of interest, to enjoy and explore their sexuality, recognizing that safety in body and mind is key to healthy and happy experiences, no matter what flavor.
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